I got jaundice last year which was not at all pleasant. If I had to be super positive about getting jaundice the following were the good stuff

  • I got 1.5 months leave from work
  • I got wheeled around in a wheelchair. Never been on one
  • I got shuttled around the hospital in a stretcher with random sick people peering in to look at me. Felt like a sick celebrity. The only thing missing were the flashlights from the paparazzi.

I was diagnosed with Jaundice when I was in Delhi. I had gone to one the reputable hospitals, paid a bomb for them to tell me that I have jaundice which I knew before I entered the hospital.
They decided to give me electrolyte through drip as I was extremely weak. I had high fever and extremely tired and I was lucky enough to find the least experienced nurse to inject me and he royally screwed up. He kept poking and pulling out the needle till my right hand turned blue.

A couple of days later, I decided to head to my hometown, so that I can be with mom who could take care of me. The flight I took to go home, was filled with trainee soldiers who were flying for the very first time. They were listening to the flight instructions as if the air hostess was explaining how to dismantle a bomb. The young soldier sitting next to me, checked under his seat and was panicking because he could find the safety jacket. He was like ‘What do I do if we crash?’ I was like don’t worry, you can take my jacket as it is I’m nearly dying of jaundice.

On reaching home, the family doctor suggested that I get admitted to the hospital. I was in the emergency, waiting for a room, when a visibly pregnant nurse, came to give me drip. She saw my right hand and exclaimed ‘Look at your hand. How can someone do this to you? It must have hurt. Poor you’. She does the sign of the cross and proceeds to do the exact same thing like the other ‘so-called-experienced’ nurse and my left hand also turned blue.

While she’s searching for the vein in my left hand and slowly killing me with pain, she proceeds to ask me about my family history. When she realizes that I have been married for many years and not yet had a child, she like every Indian woman, who thinks it’s their god-given right, gives me unsolicited advice about how having a child is the main purpose of being born as a woman, mind you, while rubbing her big pregnant tummy. I could have been the President of India or might have been a Nobel prize winner, but none of that would have mattered as she continued to look down upon me and made me feel less of a woman.

I was in a world of pain and I was like, you know what, why don’t you first heal me from Jaundice and if I survive, I’ll surely come to you to listen to the rest of the rant. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Concerned relatives and friends visited me at the hospital and believe me, everyone had a story about someone they know who died of jaundice. What a great morale booster.  All I wanted was someone to sing Soft Kitty to me. IS that too much to ask for???

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